“The Black Widow…” [November 23rd, 2017 -#46]

There is this thing about me when it comes to getting in a relationship; I will not go out with a guy just because he is nice, or just because I have been single for way too long, or just because of the simple reasons. I will only and only go out with someone or even remotely consider giving them a chance, firstly, if I truly like them, secondly, if I feel compatible with them because there are moments when you could like someone but you also know that the both of you are on the opposite ends of a spectrum and yeah, I do know opposites attract or whatever, but in my case, I would really prefer to have a at least a few basic similarities in our personality traits.

Now why am I talking about this all of a sudden? That’s because around three weeks ago, this particular guy started messaging me. I have seen him around in my previous university and he was in my social media friend list and stuff like that, but we have never seen or spoken to each other face-to-face. It’s been two years since I left that university and now I live in a different country as well. But he messaged and so I replied out of courtesy and we had a funny-banter-sort-of conversation for the rest of the night. The next morning obviously I realised that maybe there might have been flirting but I didn’t make a big deal out of it because we spoke once and I was like okay, he’s a nice guy, end of story.

The following two weeks he kept trying to talk me and I just started getting this feeling that he might be starting to like me and I had no such feelings of that sort, so I did what I felt was right to do and simply avoided his messages, except when I did, he would just end up calling me and just sending a string of messages about where I am and why am I not replying and who am I going out with and things like that. He went from being zero to clingy in a span of a week and that annoyed me. I don’t like that. Only and only people close to me are allowed to be clingy with me. Not some random guy who messaged me out of the blue and had one proper conversation with me, which was through messages and it was just random banter stuff and nothing else.

But then last weekend he threw a major tantrum about how I am ignoring him and that he is angry about it and what not. I could see where this was heading, he liked me and I think he was expecting something from my end but I barely know this guy who I have properly messaged only twice and we’re not kids to end up developing serious feelings for each other after having two online conversations, but apparently he did. I don’t think I led him on because I clearly stopped replying back to his messages when I understood where this was going, except he didn’t get my message.

So a friend of mine suggested that I “brother-zone” him, which is a terrible thing for guys but this guy was just not getting it despite me giving out clear messages and ignoring him and refusing to give my number and all that. But I had to get rid of him, yes, I could have blocked him on  social media and what not, except that he knows my friends back in my old uni and I didn’t want him to go badger them about this because he seems to be the type of guy who would actually do that. So I wanted him to back down on his own and hence, I did the terrible thing and brother-zoned him, which obviously earned me the nickname of being a heart-breaker.

But in all honesty, I would prefer being the heart-breaker at this stage instead of dragging this on and maybe even giving this guy a chance despite me being aware of the fact that he and I are not compatible whatsoever and then three months down the road, I get fed up of him and we end up breaking up. That is worse, That is just cruel and I don’t want to do that. Yet, I keep hearing things like “maybe you should have given this guy a chance” and what not. But this is me, I know when to or when not to give someone a chance based on the vibes I get from them right in the beginning and I would prefer to be the heart breaker and cut it off right at the root instead of letting feelings grow and everything gets complicated and things would actually end in a real heart-break.

This is not the first time this has happened and that is what makes me feel like a terrible person but at the same time I know what I did was right despite the fact that it wasn’t a nice thing to do so. There have been guys who have approached me and spoken to me and I obviously got the hint that they liked me but I barely knew them and I couldn’t like them back in that moment, except they wanted me to do right in that moment and so I ended up being that cruel heart-breaker. But I’ll be very honest, if any of them has spent a bit more time knowing and allowing me to know them and had not expected instant reciprocation of their feelings, I most probably would have liked one of them at some point in time, but none of them gave me the time I needed and so obviously, I ended up being the bad guy. This is why, one of my friends used to call me “the black widow”.